#reflecting

So I am soon to retire again, I guess its 12:26 AM a new day. I have lived to see another day and despite all the pain, fatigue, depressed feelings, languishing I am grateful to have lived another day. One day at a time is all we are promised, don’t know what tomorrow will bring but that’ss ok..

I was able to shower just now, the hot water helps to soothe my soul . I am massaged up with my “special fibro body oil reflecting on the day… I forgot to add I cried with a stranger today Laurie… she was so compassionate… I stopped to get lunch after my ordeals with the doctor’s , she looked at me and just said you look like you are not having a good day… I began to speak and the tears just began to flow…. I guess I had  been so numb in the doctors offices numb from the pain, the ache, the waiting. they were held up by the damnation of it all.sometimes doctors can lack that true compassion… all Laurie did is ask me how I was and she actually cared, genuinely looked into my eyes, saw the sadness and paid attention.

I am grateful for her care, she reached out and hugged me deep, and we both stood in public and cried. I must admit I felt a little foolish , I didn’t mean to make her cry.. But she was so nice, and said she would say a special prayer for me because she knows what incessant pain feels like, she is grateful for her job and to be able to do what she can…

Yes, it is the small things that count. She was my miracle for today, just that small gesture, her hug and her tears will remain with me tonight, tomorrow, and when I am in that inevitable bad place, that dark hole of endless ache, that woeful feeling of hopelessness and helplessness, I will remember Laurie who stopped and cried with me and find the strength to carry on, to live to see another day

Goodnight.

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