#forcing myself happy

what a difference a day makes!…I woke up feeling sad and blue today…not sure why…I am really affected by the weather and the lack of sunshine and cold air doesn’t make it better…I forced myself to push through the pain and blah feeling and did my 30 minute power walk…over the last few days I envision myself running as I walk…head down, one foot in front of the other…I move my legs one two step…I actually envy all the runners who pass by me as I power walk but in a good way…I am determined to run if only for 5 minutes by the end of the week…this monster has taken alot away from me..yet I feel in control of my body when I engage in physical activity, I have set my ball back in motion and there is no stopping me…. I chatted with my therapist via Skpe….he always makes me feel rested and at ease…. we are working on accepting myself and my situation as it is right now…accepting the discomfort and being at one with myself as opposed to pushing back….everyday it is a struggle, I am closer to that place but not quite there yet..this is ok

I hope everyone is having  a happy Tuesday…focus on what you can do no matter how minute it may seem…a little means goes a long way and is better than nothing at all….thanks to all the new readers and friends who have posted comments…your feedback is vital and gives me life….be blessed and #stay triumphant


8 thoughts on “#forcing myself happy

  1. I know exactly what you mean when you talk about acceptance. It took me a LONG time to accept that I had my disease and to accept how radically it had changed my life. Sometimes when I have a bad day I feel like a raw nerve, like I could cry at anything, and then I don’t feel strong and I don’t feel I’ve truly accepted what has happened to me. But I look back on all I’ve been through and I realize I have to give myself a break. Choosing to be happy is important and a survival skill!
    Thank you for checking out my blog yesterday. You might already have read this article, but on Sunday i read an interesting article in the NY times magazine about a girl who feels no pain. She worked with a doctor to see if he could study her case to learn how to turn off the gene that causes chronic pain. The article it even mentions the specific gene related to pain. 

    Stay strong! Keep writing! Cassandra

  2. You are a brave young fellow. I admire those who face such challenges, and it helps others to not take their health for granted. My sister has suffered from MS for about fifteen years, and she never stops, is so upbeat and always asking what she can do for everyone else. You run your own marathon every single day. I commend you.

  3. Love this post. Seems like just when I get to the point of accepting that I won’t work again (even though I thought I’d found the perfect special ed aide position that I can do with my limitations) something happens to stir those desires to serve again. Today I ran into one of my former students at Wal-Mart. The good news is I had walked over to the mall.

    • I am glad that you can relate Lisa. I’ve learned that I share my journey with so many people and comments like yours keep me grounded that I am not insane and help me appreciate that my pain is very real and not all in my head. My pain specialist told me it was psychological.

  4. I can completely relate to this, especially today. Sometimes it takes every bit of energy you have to get even close to ‘happy’, so much that you almost give up trying. But the thing is, you can’t give up. Because what is there then? No-one ever found happiness in the darkness of nothing.
    You’re a such a strong person to be dealing with this disease, I know what it’s like to have something take over your whole life to the point where you don’t know when or if you’ll ever get it back. I get it. But just keep going and stay strong. This isn’t everything you are, not even close 🙂

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