#midnight venting

currently visting with my family in NY….I have been here for two weeks so far with another week to go….why did I plan to stay so long….. I am ready to go….I was told by a family member that I am a mean person…I know I have a lot to work on..it is these comments that fuel my anxiety, and like I am currently doing, I obsess over them and feel worse…these chronic physical and mental illnesses are difficult to control and sometimes my mood swings and lack of affect are not intentional..I also don’t want to use my “disorder” as a crux to be an intentionally mean and nasty person, things come out fast and harsh and I don’t mean for them to… they just do, I am not becoming a mean person am I? I would hate to think so….add my personality to the list of things that have been turned upside down by these monsters… I just don’t know..not feeling very triumphant right now..

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