#the new normal

As I brushed my teeth this morning looking at my reflection in the mirror something felt different…at first I couldn’t pinpoint what it was….suddenly it hit me…I was completely pain free and for those few moments I actually felt like the man I used to be….could it be?… a sudden rush of euphoria flooded my being…today was going to be a great day!…unfortunately my euphoria was short lived…after my shower..getting dressed and sitting in the car..the normal fatigue, pain, searing, overactive nerves..yawning, and ache…came flooding back…I am grateful to have had a sliver of hope in those 45 minutes…faith that somehow, some way I will feel like I used to one day…maybe I’m naive…maybe I need to work on accepting my condition as it stands like my psychologist is trying to help me to do…be secure in the discomfort and allow it to have a place in my mind, soul, and body..maybe I am delusional…one thing I know for sure is this disease is real…it is real and it is complicated, conflicting, misunderstood, contradictory, senseless, surreal, and insidious…but these feelings, this pain, the emotional and physical affects are real and as I sat driving, I let out a sigh as I have many times before and I thought to myself…this is my new normal….
that small window, that silver lining was enough for me  to keep enduring, keep persevering, keep researching, keep raising awareness, keep writing, and keep hope alive…no matter what, no matter how crazy or delusional or naive I may be, I will never lose faith that somehow, someday I will be cured…#happy Saturday, #stay triumphant

9 thoughts on “#the new normal

  1. I am always heartened to read about people who soldier on despite chronic pain. When I first got RA, on top of daily migraines, I thought I couldn’t do it–live with it. God had given me more than I could bear. But I did bear it and I do and so do so many others. How could I give up if you don’t?

  2. Here here to naivety — those windows are the sparks of hope that keep me going too. Beautiful post. By my book, continuing to expect the best is wayyy better than the alternative!

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