#a storms a coming

a storm is brewing both literally and physically inside and outside my body….my chronic illnesses have created within me a sixth sense of sorts…I have always been physically in tune with the weather, changes in temperature, humidity, air pressure, etc…being able to feel when rain or cold was coming and my body reacting accordingly…now these senses are heightened and abnormally sensitive, constantly overwhelmed and over stimulated by any external stimuli…..since my visit home to upstate NY, I have been trying to hold the levee off…somehow harness a superhuman control over a storm surge of a flare up.…trying to tap into an emotional state and not let the tidal wave overtake me….for the past 4.5 months I have been in hurricane and tumult state…this monster continuously weighing and raining down on my being…with the winds and rains going up and down….but now I can literally feel that I can’t keep the storm at bay any longer…it is overtaking my mental and physical state and it won’t be soon before long that I am back to that black dark abyss of a place….don’t get me wrong, I do not wish this on myself…I am just being honest…time after time this monster has come for me….I know its tricks… I know its wiles…it is an unfair opponent because even though I know its moves…I am at its mercy…vulnerable, unable to fight back…..I am trying to think positive, and do all the meditative and reflective thoughts that my psychologist is teaching me….but this illness is not just in my mind….it is a real tangible disease, just like cancer or diabetes… however, cancer and diabetes show up on an MRI, cat scan or blood panel..my disease does not…but it is real and it is rising inside me.. pray for me please…..

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5 thoughts on “#a storms a coming

  1. Sometimes taking it one minute at a time is not enough. Sometimes one second at a time is not even enough. Praying through the time is all we have. I”m in prayer. I’m in prayer.

  2. There is no magic pill to help ease the road you are on. I am glad you are able to express your thoughts through a blog. I call my blog my ‘acting psychiatrist’…I am helped just by writing.
    At any rate, you have asked for prayer. Consider it done!

  3. Your symptoms are giving you a ton of information. That information is the key to help you unlock the door to your suffering. One’s conscious mind may interpret it as a “monster.” When in “monster” mode, the abyss appears near. But after the storm has passed, the “monster” goes away and the abyss is no more. Connect the dots and see how fast you get better. If not, you are free to contact me. I’ll do a post on my blog about what you’re going through.

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