#modesty is the best policy

so during my late afternoon power walk…the.cold, brisk wind whipping past my face, I-pod in, I couldn’t help but feel like a warrior….for as much as this monster has taken from me it has not taken away my drive and determination…I am so grateful to just be able to walk and even though my mind tells me to run.and I feel like the power walk pace isn’t fast enough, isn’t good enough, isn’t strong enough, I had to tell myself to settle down..focus on this moment… what you can do, what you are doing right now at this moment in time…

I  now know my limits and I need to be content to stay within those limits…a wise old man helped me to think differently about my situation and he spoke these words to me…modesty is when you understand your limitations and are content to stay within those limits…as humans we mentally beat ourselves down about what we used to do, what we want to do..what we wish we could do..and even though having drive, determination, and high expectations are important motivators…we easily fall into the trap of beating ourselves up over what we can’t do…my need for perfection and obsession with more , faster, harder…has been a blessing and a curse…this drive to do more was the catalyst that I needed to lose 150 lbs and keep it off, put myself through college, and buy my first home at the age of 24….but it has also kept me up all night, lead me to harbor toxic feelings of worthlessness, and fueled deep dark thoughts of depression…

I have to constantly be mindful of my limitations and what I can’t do and sometimes it sucks…but understanding that limitations…when looked at from the right angle can help us live in the present and be at peace with ourselves and with a new set of circumstances…these were my thoughts as I walked… and I am now finally able to share them with you…today was a beautiful, sunny day and I was able to venture out of the house…now how good is that…I am now sore, exhausted, and overripe for bed..but I had to get these words to each of you before retiring…

don’t sell yourself short…remember, inch by inch it’s a cinch… and it isn’t failure until you quit..here’s to perseverance and modesty…peace and love tonight..so many things to pray for…#good night #stay triumphant

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3 thoughts on “#modesty is the best policy

  1. man I wish determination was contagious. I could stand to lose some weight and keep it off. On my birthday earlier this year I was horrified to realize I was twice the woman my husband married 21 years ago. I’ve managed to lose 20 lbs. since April but wish it were more. don’t need to get down to my wedding weight but i’d be happy to lose 60-70 more. now that my toe has healed (I walked into a metal dumbell last week) perhaps I’ll try walking again.

  2. I’ve referred to those who fight narcolepsy with determination as warriors. I think this applies to all of us living with chronic illness.

    I’m still having a hard time learning to be content with staying inside my limits. With ambition and desire comes a tendency to overdo it. I realize this results in further setbacks as I am compounding my sleepiness and other symptoms. I just haven’t learned to be thankful for what I accomplished before the narcolepsy got so bad. Instead, I often still feel angry that I cannot keep up with past versions of myself. In time….

    Thank you for this eloquently written post. It has certainly got me reconsidering how I treat myself.

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