#sunrise Sunday

beautiful clear and sunny Nashville day….I can see it from my bedroom window….another day in this weeks long flare…pain is numbing and pounding in my mind….fatigued and feeling weighed down…on a good note I had the stamina to cook myself a homemade meal for the first time in weeks….emotionally feeling blah, drained and over it…no matter how much I try to push through the depression and low mood, being in constant pain and inflammation slowly wears away at my psyche and chips away my spirit…nothing new where that is concerned…..just another day in my life of living with fibromyalgia….that’s all I have, no spirit to blog today….#Happy Sunday

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#sabbath day

on this seventh Sabbath day

cold and lonely just like Saturday

mood ring colors, vacillate

purple hues envelope me

a little magenta

a dash of grey

no blue hues on my palette of paint

not red with anger

not filled with hate

not green with envy

or yellow fears do I demonstrate

won’t fall prey to the black ice paint

no sorrow or mourning

no heartache

no, I’ll stay magenta

I’ll bear this weight

I’ll paint the pain away

on this Sabbath day

# wednesday posting

sorry for my lack of meaningful posts this week…I have been in that not so positive dark place that is inevitable and inescapable no matter how hard you try…today I simply existed..to worn out and fatigued to be irritated by the incessant nerve pain…I woke up…I ate…I walked…but my heart wasn’t in any of it…my mood is low..and the cold Western NY air, lack of sunshine for the 5th consecutive day, and my homesickness are all contributing factors to my Blah factor…I won’t let this become a venting post…but on a positive note…I am grateful for my CBT (cognitive behavior therapist) he is truly the best and I feel represents my only non-judgmental human relationship with whom I can articulate my thoughts with words…he recommended that I see a psychiatrist… I finally feel at that place where I can’t improve and stabilize my mood with natural homeopathics alone as my chemical imbalance has become severe enough to merit synthetic intervention aka prescription medication…. I would write more about my thoughts on prescription meds ,my stance on their place in my life, and my decision to move forward with potential mind altering medication…but I will save that for another post…I am simply to tired and unmotivated to type any more…thank you for reading and have a blessed night….remember what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger even when we feel like we can take no more… # peace and love ….. #stay triumphant

#guilty

guilty until proven innocent

no recompense

caused no offense

my soul has repented, of this sin

so why do I have regrets?

can’t they see the hurt I’m in, so transparent?

clear as day the pain I’m in so flagrant

they turn their heads, pretend they can’t see it

call out for help, they ignore it

thinly veiled care is there

but no real comfort for my mourn

the scorn, I see it

so I’ll continue to pray

my innocence I’ll convey

through the actions of my sins I’ve repented