#perseverance

trying to rise above the pain, fatigue, anxiety, and depression today… #staytriumphant

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#mourningmonday

pain monster attacking on all fronts today, writhing, gnawing, and gripping pain pulsating muscles, body tremors and spasms..deeply fatigued and exhausted…missed aqua therapy…this is the repayment that I get for performing normal activities…no one seems to understand that…oh well, I’ll save that vent for another day, at least the sun is shining

#losing

this has already shaped up to be one of those weeks where I lose the whole week in a muddled half awake hazy stupor, and time seemingly stops around me as I writhe around in pain, heavily fatigued and life happens outside the four walls of my house and I am none the wiser for it.. yes it is one of those weeks.. one of many that have crawled on by .. that this monster has taken away

#SUCKS

just came to at 12:24AM.. a new day has come.. Yippee… If it were possible and I suppose it is possible I feel worse than I did 7 hours about when I last remember being conscious. I tell you this monster sucks.. sucks the life out of me.. sucks the hope of me.. it’s not funny… it’s not a little uncomfortable it’s a lot uncomfortable..the pain SUCKS, the fatigue SUCKS ,the gnawing, aching, throbbing, searing, lightheaded, haze bearing down on my soul, the loss of feeling, tingling, tremors, spasms, it all SUCKS .. #SUCKS

#devastated

just got word a little bit ago that the son of a family of friends of mine committed suicide last evening… I am lost for words and torn up in aside over our loss…death is never easy as we are not built to understand it, yet my searing and gnawing pain just grew upon hearing this news… the unanswered questions of his mother, father and siblings the why , how, and the what will never be understood or answered. I hope that eventually they all come to a place of peace and solace that they will never have the answers or understand this tragedy.

He is no longer suffering the pain or misery that led him to that place to take his life.. I hope that in the weeks and months to come after the initial shock wears off and everyone who gathers to build them up today and tomorrow will remember them long from now and comfort them then, because even though life moves on after death, for those close life seems to stop in that place,  that moment in time when the person you loved is gone forever..

#thissucks

finally made it back home by the grace of god, cold sweating and writhing in pain and fatigue from my doctor appointments today…no encouraging information…neurologist referral… and the saga continues.. frustrating, depressing, exhausting, I have entered into this vicious black hole matrix medication trials, incessantly explaining of my now lack of quality of life due to the debilitating effects of everything, increase of medication, no progress , wash, rinse, repeat…. as much as I never wanted to come here, I AM HERE and I loathe every single moment…pardon me while I wallow in self pity and sick until an even darker place #back to black