a storm is brewing both literally and physically inside and outside my body….my chronic illnesses have created within me a sixth sense of sorts…I have always been physically in tune with the weather, changes in temperature, humidity, air pressure, etc…being able to feel when rain or cold was coming and my body reacting accordingly…now these senses are heightened and abnormally sensitive, constantly overwhelmed and over stimulated by any external stimuli…..since my visit home to upstate NY, I have been trying to hold the levee off…somehow harness a superhuman control over a storm surge of a flare up.…trying to tap into an emotional state and not let the tidal wave overtake me….for the past 4.5 months I have been in hurricane and tumult state…this monster continuously weighing and raining down on my being…with the winds and rains going up and down….but now I can literally feel that I can’t keep the storm at bay any longer…it is overtaking my mental and physical state and it won’t be soon before long that I am back to that black dark abyss of a place….don’t get me wrong, I do not wish this on myself…I am just being honest…time after time this monster has come for me….I know its tricks… I know its wiles…it is an unfair opponent because even though I know its moves…I am at its mercy…vulnerable, unable to fight back…..I am trying to think positive, and do all the meditative and reflective thoughts that my psychologist is teaching me….but this illness is not just in my mind….it is a real tangible disease, just like cancer or diabetes… however, cancer and diabetes show up on an MRI, cat scan or blood panel..my disease does not…but it is real and it is rising inside me.. pray for me please…..
pain monster attacking on all fronts today, writhing, gnawing, and gripping pain pulsating muscles, body tremors and spasms..deeply fatigued and exhausted…missed aqua therapy…this is the repayment that I get for performing normal activities…no one seems to understand that…oh well, I’ll save that vent for another day, at least the sun is shining
happy for the sunshine and grateful to have had some strength and stamina to get out and enjoy it for a little bit this morning.. but as always my body never lets me forget to remember my modesty know my limitations and remain within them… so now I am at home in bed resting and not trying to over do it which is always hardest whenever I am able to get out especially on a gorgeous weekend like today.. oh well I am blessed for what I can do and will focus on that today
Heartbreaking article on Yahoo news about Brianna Shriver click here
I can relate to this feeling of hopelessness, helplessness and resilience that you and your loved ones endure when you mysteriously lose your ability to function with no cure or reason. My prayers go out to Brianna her mother and her family…
Like her on her Friends of Brianna Facebook page to contribute to her cause