#fear no more

I live in fear…fear that my next move will be painful….fear that I might push my body to far…fear that I’ll be down for the count…fear of another flare…fear I might not be able to move tomorrow…fear of the future…and you know what I’m tired of it…so today I ran…it started off as a walk and as I walked I felt like running..so I ran….not to fast not too hard..but it was a run and it felt great…this illness has taken away so much of my life..and I’m over it…It felt great to live in the moment…not over think my moves..to not be in fear of what the moves would do to my body…to not over think my actions…that’s how I felt and I won’t allow myself to regret it…there’s a scripture that says “fear not those who kill the body,but cannot destroy¬† the soul”….chronic illness might damage my body…but I refuse to let it take away my soul…my inner drive…my spirit…my life…I will fear no more..

Those are my thoughts for today…the blog will be down for a spell as it is being migrated to another platform…so comments and updates will be turned off for the moment…Happy Tuesday and Wednesday….#stay triumphant

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#sweet dreams & beautiful nightmares

blue_moon_by_chasing_dreams_350another week and weekend has come to an end…I can’t believe we are already half way through month one of 2013…for me, all the days and weeks kind of blur together…especially with me being home bound the majority of the time…I’ll keep this post positive even though my body isn’t feeling so…grateful that the sun made a return and that I was able to get out the house a few times this weekend…thankful for the roof over my head, my heat and hot water, and the ability to breathe…I hope every has a safe night, with peaceful dreams, and maybe a beautiful nightmare or (two)…praying for joy in the morning and no weeping for tonight….you (we) are more blessed than we know…goodnight #stay triumphant

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#everything’s gonna be alright

the wrong side of the bed expression won’t cut it for today…I woke up feeling like I had slept on the floor….better yet on the pavement, outside, all night in the freezing rain…needless to say it wasn’t a great moment…but today was doctor appointment day so I was forced out of the lair…probably for the best..sunshine made a return and the vitamin D was much needed for all….at this point me and doctor visits are an exercise in futility…a necessary evil, that stresses out my system, makes me feel nauseous, sick to my stomach, shaky…despondent, angry…and all of the above…I’m so far over doctors that I don’t even have the vocabulary necessary to articulate…and that is no exaggeration…and so I won’t even try to articulate…what I will say is my day ended better than it began, mentally more so than anything…I was able to turn my attitude around…find positivity and carry forth…I guess that’s what it’s all about…physically I feel beat, worn, broken, maimed, tattered….but mentally I know that everything’s gonna be alright….and with that I’ll sign off…wishing, hoping and praying for strength tomorrow, sending positive vibes to everyone feeling like they want to give up on the world, please keep pushing on….in time everything will be alright….#good night…peace be with you #stay triumphant

#don’t count me out

Happy Tuesday! I spent the majority of today in bed…caught up with a friend…got a walk in…took a nap…rest…cleaned…overall it was an OK day….my evening turned out better than my morning…I was able to cook a nice (albeit late) meal…2nd week of this most recent flare..the cold, grey, and cloudy skies do nothing for my muscles or joints…even still I was happy to be able to push through the fog and get a walk in..I always feel so powerful when I power walk….I feel one step closer to the runner that I used to be…boy were those good times….one day I will run again…not today, not tomorrow, but one day….meanwhile I will be grateful that I have two working legs that I can move most of the time and they allow me to walk….how was your day??…keep your positive vibes flowing…count your blessings…and be grateful for what you can do…not on what you can’t….when you can do DO and when you can’t DON’T….it is OK to say NO…don’t let anyone tell you otherwise….and don’t let yourself feel guilty about it…so often we are our own worst critic…..but enough of my rambling….hoping for a better Wednesday…and praying for all those undergoing hardships…keep the faith…#stay triumphant #goodnight

#where did the week go?

Boy time certainly slips away…I have been remiss in posting regularly this week… between mini flare ups, resting, naps, publishing my book and setting up the blog redesign…my tokens of energy were diced and spliced between many activities…for the most part, this week was OK…the fatigue and pain monster were back in full swing again and pacing and resting were the order of every day… it never ceases to amaze me how every little thing we do requires energy….typing, walking, breathing, placing a phone call, writing a letter…everything….I have a much better appreciation for the ability to just live since what I do and how I do it is on the forefront of my brain at every waking second… brain fog and stifled concentration were high this week as well, my inability to concentrate….and delayed processing time made tasks like typing emails drag out longer than they needed…by the time it came time for my daily post, I was so mentally fatigued and drained that typing was just too much to bear….I have so many irons in the fire that it is becoming hard to keep track…much gratitude for all the support and encouragement that I receive from you the readers…I hope everyone is having a restful yet productive weekend…the weather in my neck of the woods has certainly lent itself to productivity….70 degrees just doesn’t feel right in January…I guess that is the upstate New Yorker in me…keep on pressing on and #stay triumphant

 

#where did the week go?

Boy time certainly slips away…I have been remiss in posting regularly this week… between mini flare ups, resting, naps, publishing my book and setting up the blog redesign…my tokens of energy were diced and spliced between many activities…for the most part, this week was OK…the fatigue and pain monster were back in full swing again and pacing and resting were the order of every day… it never ceases to amaze me how every little thing we do requires energy….typing, walking, breathing, placing a phone call, writing a letter…everything….I have a much better appreciation for the ability to just live since what I do and how I do it is on the forefront of my brain at every waking second… brain fog and stifled concentration were high this week as well, my inability to concentrate….and delayed processing time made tasks like typing emails drag out longer than they needed…by the time it came time for my daily post, I was so mentally fatigued and drained that typing was just too much to bear….I have so many irons in the fire that it is becoming hard to keep track…much gratitude for all the support and encouragement that I receive from you the readers…I hope everyone is having a restful yet productive weekend…the weather in my neck of the woods has certainly lent itself to productivity….70 degrees just doesn’t feel right in January…I guess that is the upstate New Yorker in me…keep on pressing on and #stay triumphant