#fear no more

I live in fear…fear that my next move will be painful….fear that I might push my body to far…fear that I’ll be down for the count…fear of another flare…fear I might not be able to move tomorrow…fear of the future…and you know what I’m tired of it…so today I ran…it started off as a walk and as I walked I felt like running..so I ran….not to fast not too hard..but it was a run and it felt great…this illness has taken away so much of my life..and I’m over it…It felt great to live in the moment…not over think my moves..to not be in fear of what the moves would do to my body…to not over think my actions…that’s how I felt and I won’t allow myself to regret it…there’s a scripture that says “fear not those who kill the body,but cannot destroyΒ  the soul”….chronic illness might damage my body…but I refuse to let it take away my soul…my inner drive…my spirit…my life…I will fear no more..

Those are my thoughts for today…the blog will be down for a spell as it is being migrated to another platform…so comments and updates will be turned off for the moment…Happy Tuesday and Wednesday….#stay triumphant

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#everything’s gonna be alright

the wrong side of the bed expression won’t cut it for today…I woke up feeling like I had slept on the floor….better yet on the pavement, outside, all night in the freezing rain…needless to say it wasn’t a great moment…but today was doctor appointment day so I was forced out of the lair…probably for the best..sunshine made a return and the vitamin D was much needed for all….at this point me and doctor visits are an exercise in futility…a necessary evil, that stresses out my system, makes me feel nauseous, sick to my stomach, shaky…despondent, angry…and all of the above…I’m so far over doctors that I don’t even have the vocabulary necessary to articulate…and that is no exaggeration…and so I won’t even try to articulate…what I will say is my day ended better than it began, mentally more so than anything…I was able to turn my attitude around…find positivity and carry forth…I guess that’s what it’s all about…physically I feel beat, worn, broken, maimed, tattered….but mentally I know that everything’s gonna be alright….and with that I’ll sign off…wishing, hoping and praying for strength tomorrow, sending positive vibes to everyone feeling like they want to give up on the world, please keep pushing on….in time everything will be alright….#good night…peace be with you #stay triumphant

#can’t even know what to say

I can’t even know what to say…another day…another flare…day I can’t even remember of this most recent flare…pain specialist and psychiatry visit tomorrow…feeling worn out, fatigued out, tired out, pained out and just put out…how was your day…on a happy note the sun made a comeback today…thank goodness…despite the pain and fatigue…sunshine makes everything just a tad bit more tolerable…weeping may endure tonight, but joy comes in the morning…stay positive, you are blessed and worth more than many sparrows….#goodnight #stay triumphant

#it’s a wrap

I definitely over did it this evening…I’m wired for awhile I’m in so much pain….that’s about all the typing I can sustain…praying for strength and spirit tonight….positive vibes for everyone enduring pain …this too shall pass…good night # stay triumphant

#don’t count me out

Happy Tuesday! I spent the majority of today in bed…caught up with a friend…got a walk in…took a nap…rest…cleaned…overall it was an OK day….my evening turned out better than my morning…I was able to cook a nice (albeit late) meal…2nd week of this most recent flare..the cold, grey, and cloudy skies do nothing for my muscles or joints…even still I was happy to be able to push through the fog and get a walk in..I always feel so powerful when I power walk….I feel one step closer to the runner that I used to be…boy were those good times….one day I will run again…not today, not tomorrow, but one day….meanwhile I will be grateful that I have two working legs that I can move most of the time and they allow me to walk….how was your day??…keep your positive vibes flowing…count your blessings…and be grateful for what you can do…not on what you can’t….when you can do DO and when you can’t DON’T….it is OK to say NO…don’t let anyone tell you otherwise….and don’t let yourself feel guilty about it…so often we are our own worst critic…..but enough of my rambling….hoping for a better Wednesday…and praying for all those undergoing hardships…keep the faith…#stay triumphant #goodnight

#stuck in neutral

another Monday….another flare up…overbearing…fatigue…weakness…muscle spasms, nausea…I think that just about sums up my day….check down the list….this weekend was a bust and Saturday through today seemed to be one long omnipresent day…on a happier note my order of bound books finally arrived….these are the copies that I can give to friends and supporters….the paper back copies should be on the Amazon marketplace by the end of the week…HOORAY!…it all seems rather anticlimactic….here I have been anxiously awaiting the final production of my book…so excited to be redesigning the blog and now that everything is shaping up just as I had envisioned….I feel tired, listless, weakened…and kind of empty….like a car stuck in the gear….the motor is running, the engine is revving up, but the car just sits there…stuck like a bump on a log…the wheels spinning and spinning but the car is stuck in neutral….yes…. I guess that’s how I feel…I perpetually feel like I am stuck in neutral…always revving up my engine but never seem to be getting anywhere…just stuck in the same gear….wheels spinning…. going no where…..should I give up?….I guess I will stop my rambling and stop feeling sorry for myself…..positivity really is the best remedy…I hope everyone in the blogosphere had a marvelous Monday….keep positive no matter what life throws at you…remember it’s not a failure unless you quit….and never stop revving up your engine…good night #stay triumphant

fatigue was back and overbearing today…completely enveloped my entire being, I literally spent the whole day until 9 pm in bed…the rain poured down all day…flash floods were called for most of the state…I was weak, lethargic,unable to move at some moments…need I go on….I think you get the picture….well that’s about all I can muster up tonight….brain is foggy and senses are delayed…praying for a productive week…wishing you all a restful night…. # stay triumphant