I live in fear…fear that my next move will be painful….fear that I might push my body to far…fear that I’ll be down for the count…fear of another flare…fear I might not be able to move tomorrow…fear of the future…and you know what I’m tired of it…so today I ran…it started off as a walk and as I walked I felt like running..so I ran….not to fast not too hard..but it was a run and it felt great…this illness has taken away so much of my life..and I’m over it…It felt great to live in the moment…not over think my moves..to not be in fear of what the moves would do to my body…to not over think my actions…that’s how I felt and I won’t allow myself to regret it…there’s a scripture that says “fear not those who kill the body,but cannot destroy the soul”….chronic illness might damage my body…but I refuse to let it take away my soul…my inner drive…my spirit…my life…I will fear no more..
Those are my thoughts for today…the blog will be down for a spell as it is being migrated to another platform…so comments and updates will be turned off for the moment…Happy Tuesday and Wednesday….#stay triumphant
another week and weekend has come to an end…I can’t believe we are already half way through month one of 2013…for me, all the days and weeks kind of blur together…especially with me being home bound the majority of the time…I’ll keep this post positive even though my body isn’t feeling so…grateful that the sun made a return and that I was able to get out the house a few times this weekend…thankful for the roof over my head, my heat and hot water, and the ability to breathe…I hope every has a safe night, with peaceful dreams, and maybe a beautiful nightmare or (two)…praying for joy in the morning and no weeping for tonight….you (we) are more blessed than we know…goodnight #stay triumphant
feeling worse tonight than I did this morning… pain and fatigue kept me in bed until 11 am….currently writhing in pain while I type in the dark…however, I did make it out of the lair today…bought a second hand bread machine from a trading post that I am part of on Facebook, a quick stop in the grocery store, and that pretty much did me in for the day….How was your day…hopefully productive and not as painful as mine…I think that’s all I have tonight…yea I think that’s it…my mind has gone blank…#goodnight #stay triumphant
the wrong side of the bed expression won’t cut it for today…I woke up feeling like I had slept on the floor….better yet on the pavement, outside, all night in the freezing rain…needless to say it wasn’t a great moment…but today was doctor appointment day so I was forced out of the lair…probably for the best..sunshine made a return and the vitamin D was much needed for all….at this point me and doctor visits are an exercise in futility…a necessary evil, that stresses out my system, makes me feel nauseous, sick to my stomach, shaky…despondent, angry…and all of the above…I’m so far over doctors that I don’t even have the vocabulary necessary to articulate…and that is no exaggeration…and so I won’t even try to articulate…what I will say is my day ended better than it began, mentally more so than anything…I was able to turn my attitude around…find positivity and carry forth…I guess that’s what it’s all about…physically I feel beat, worn, broken, maimed, tattered….but mentally I know that everything’s gonna be alright….and with that I’ll sign off…wishing, hoping and praying for strength tomorrow, sending positive vibes to everyone feeling like they want to give up on the world, please keep pushing on….in time everything will be alright….#good night…peace be with you #stay triumphant