#everything’s gonna be alright

the wrong side of the bed expression won’t cut it for today…I woke up feeling like I had slept on the floor….better yet on the pavement, outside, all night in the freezing rain…needless to say it wasn’t a great moment…but today was doctor appointment day so I was forced out of the lair…probably for the best..sunshine made a return and the vitamin D was much needed for all….at this point me and doctor visits are an exercise in futility…a necessary evil, that stresses out my system, makes me feel nauseous, sick to my stomach, shaky…despondent, angry…and all of the above…I’m so far over doctors that I don’t even have the vocabulary necessary to articulate…and that is no exaggeration…and so I won’t even try to articulate…what I will say is my day ended better than it began, mentally more so than anything…I was able to turn my attitude around…find positivity and carry forth…I guess that’s what it’s all about…physically I feel beat, worn, broken, maimed, tattered….but mentally I know that everything’s gonna be alright….and with that I’ll sign off…wishing, hoping and praying for strength tomorrow, sending positive vibes to everyone feeling like they want to give up on the world, please keep pushing on….in time everything will be alright….#good night…peace be with you #stay triumphant

#can’t even know what to say

I can’t even know what to say…another day…another flare…day I can’t even remember of this most recent flare…pain specialist and psychiatry visit tomorrow…feeling worn out, fatigued out, tired out, pained out and just put out…how was your day…on a happy note the sun made a comeback today…thank goodness…despite the pain and fatigue…sunshine makes everything just a tad bit more tolerable…weeping may endure tonight, but joy comes in the morning…stay positive, you are blessed and worth more than many sparrows….#goodnight #stay triumphant

#stuck in neutral

another Monday….another flare up…overbearing…fatigue…weakness…muscle spasms, nausea…I think that just about sums up my day….check down the list….this weekend was a bust and Saturday through today seemed to be one long omnipresent day…on a happier note my order of bound books finally arrived….these are the copies that I can give to friends and supporters….the paper back copies should be on the Amazon marketplace by the end of the week…HOORAY!…it all seems rather anticlimactic….here I have been anxiously awaiting the final production of my book…so excited to be redesigning the blog and now that everything is shaping up just as I had envisioned….I feel tired, listless, weakened…and kind of empty….like a car stuck in the gear….the motor is running, the engine is revving up, but the car just sits there…stuck like a bump on a log…the wheels spinning and spinning but the car is stuck in neutral….yes…. I guess that’s how I feel…I perpetually feel like I am stuck in neutral…always revving up my engine but never seem to be getting anywhere…just stuck in the same gear….wheels spinning…. going no where…..should I give up?….I guess I will stop my rambling and stop feeling sorry for myself…..positivity really is the best remedy…I hope everyone in the blogosphere had a marvelous Monday….keep positive no matter what life throws at you…remember it’s not a failure unless you quit….and never stop revving up your engine…good night #stay triumphant

#man down

going at four weeks of suffering in this terrible flare….Sunday night right after I posted the end of 2012 posts I went into another inexplicable surge of excruciating debilitating, pain, sweats, trembling etc…this is the second time in a week that this has happened…I swear the flush of sensations is like nothing I’ve ever experienced….far greater than my normal pain these surges wear me out. my body literally fighting against itself…I swear I am dying as I writhe and roll around between the bed and the floor, crying , begging, and praying for mercy…both times I came close to calling the ER but I feel like sitting in a ED lobby in such a state will only make it worse….and for them to say nothing is wrong and dismiss me…no Thanks… I am better off suffering in my house…fortunately this time I had a doctors appointment for which my friend graciously drove me to…I got a new pain med something stronger that gave me some relief since nothing else was working..when I got back home I medicated up and was finally able to find peace and sleep…I am just coming to…I feel worn out, and like I have survived being pummeled to near death by rocks,…so needless to say I am pretty weak, lethargic and listless…happy Tuesday and happy 1st day of 2013….mine is starting off right where 2012 left off…

#sunrise Sunday

beautiful clear and sunny Nashville day….I can see it from my bedroom window….another day in this weeks long flare…pain is numbing and pounding in my mind….fatigued and feeling weighed down…on a good note I had the stamina to cook myself a homemade meal for the first time in weeks….emotionally feeling blah, drained and over it…no matter how much I try to push through the depression and low mood, being in constant pain and inflammation slowly wears away at my psyche and chips away my spirit…nothing new where that is concerned…..just another day in my life of living with fibromyalgia….that’s all I have, no spirit to blog today….#Happy Sunday